Negotiating: Breaking the Ice

Most people have a tendency to want to get into the purpose of a negotiation too quickly. This can be especially detrimental if you are meeting with someone for the first time. People prefer to do business with those they know, like and trust. While a trusting relationship takes time to build, taking five to ten minutes to break the ice over topics of interest on which you and your adversary can connect is a great jump start to building such a relationship.

There are a lot of interesting questions or topics you can bring up that will create a more relaxed and open atmosphere. However, your efforts to break the ice will not be effective if they are insincere or based on a set of contrived questions. Ideally, you want to find a neutral commonality shared by both you and your adversary and use this to establish camaraderie. The warm up is not about sharing deep personal secrets or giving away anything that will help your adversary have an edge.

While I prefer to meet on my own turf, if I am meeting outside of my own office, my warm-up often springs off of something I observe in my adversary’s office or the place where we are meeting. Sport or recreation-related topics are an area about which most people feel comfortable talking. Give some thought to the type of topics about which you are comfortable talking about that may also be of interest to others.

Once you feel that the ice has started to melt, ask follow-up questions that can be easily answered and have the potential to warm things up even more. There are definite subjects that are taboo to the warm-up session. You always take a big chance by bringing up any topic that could be volatile. For instance, you want to avoid discussing your health or the health of your adversary. Political and religious subjects should also be avoided unless you know exactly where the other person stands on the subject. Also, avoid gossip or saying anything bad about the competition.